My first “proper” job after university was on one of those accelerated graduate training courses for a booze company. It was the kind of role where you worked in 6 different departments over two years and where you realise that every single one of them think that they’re “at the sharp end” of the business and that the company would collapse without them.

One of my many successive roles was selling the company’s products into pubs. One day, I went into such a pub, just as the Pernod salesman was coming out and I couldn’t help noticing his rather glum face.

“So what happened to you?” I asked. This was greeted with a round of expletives as he explained that not only had he not made the sale, but he’d managed to get Pernod de-stocked from the pub.

“How’d you manage that?” I sympathised.

“Well, we have special offer on that if you buy a case of Pernod, we give you 6 branded Pernod glasses free,” he explained “so I told the Landlord and he said ‘OK, sounds good, put me down for two cases’.”

“How’d you manage to go from an order to a de-stocking, then?” quoth I.

“Me and my big bloody mouth. Once the Landlord had agreed, I just started chatting and explained that our thinking behind the offer was that Pernod has a very strong taste and sometimes leaves it in a glass. So, it makes sense to give special glasses and so….end of problem.

‘Hmmm….’ goes the Landlord, ‘I’ve noticed that too,’ and calls his manager and bar staff over for a quick impromptu conference. They then figure out that Pernod is responsible for about 4 drinks they have to throw away every night.

‘So, Mr Pernod, you can get out and don’t bother coming back. I can’t afford those kind of losses, with or without your free bloody glasses!!’”

So, Best Beloved. Remember that if you’re ever in a selling situation and you close the sale, shut up or change the subject!

Not much to do with mobile, I’m afraid, but I thought you might find this useful some time.